Monday, January 23, 2012

Branden's classmate

Brandens' classmate's mother died last week. It completely knocked the wind out of me, if I'm to be honest with you. She wasn't someone we knew for years and years. She was someone we never even met. Let me explain. Do you remember, about 6 months or so ago, when I said, Branden has a new classmate. He just moved here from Tokyo. The new boy. So yes, while we did not enter the ichinensei together or bump into each other at observation day. Sad is still sad. And it's times like these, when you realize, wow life is short. I know that sounds cliché. But yes at times like this, you really realize wow, it could all just be over in a snap. No one is promised tomorrow.

What we're guessing is, she probably had cancer and the family knew it didn't look good and they moved closer to either set of grandparents so when the time comes, they'd be ready. That's what we're guessing. As I said, nobody really ever got the chance to meet her. Her son, yes I've seen him weekly, he lives in our same housing community and he was pictured on the cooking sweet potato day muffin post on Branden's last observation day. So, yeah I see that little boy often.

She was only 31-32 years old. Nobody can get over just how young she was, when she died last week. Everyone in our town was greatly shocked and saddened. When the karainban (sp?) was first past around last Saturday saying a death in our housing community occurred, we at that time had no clue it was Branden's classmate's young mother. We wrongly assumed it was an elderly grandma who had lived a very full and happy life. Not that I'm saying any age or time is the right time to go, you know what I mean.

On Monday, of last week, long after Branden was at school Noboru's and also my keitei/cell went off. We get electronically beeped at his school when he arrives and when he leaves the school. We also get beeped messages/updates from the school. However last Monday, the message said...so and so's mom from the 4th grade #1 class had died. Same class as Branden. To off set the cost of the funeral, they would like to collect 500 yen from each student to help chip in and help pay for that cost (this was on our cell email last Monday). I thought that was a great idea. So, Noboru and I talked about this/her passing last Monday quite a bit. He was saddened and I was very sad. When I picked up Branden and it was time for both the boys to go to Kumon last Monday. We drove past the only place to hold a rosary in our town. And the huge sign that stood at the ceremony place had the boys last name on it. It was a very sad reminder.

Branden was quite sad that his friends mother passed away. We talked about this very subject a lot last week. The boys both of them asking questions and such. Branden just felt such great sorrow for his friend. Branden told me, I wish T's (I won't say his first name on here) mom didn't have to die. I said, "I wish that too baby." I think the whole town was just sad.

I told Branden and Noah. No kid under age 18 should ever have to be without their parent due to a death. But sometimes things just turn out that way unfortunately. But that kids need their parents to guide them and teach them and love them. For the boy, I am most saddest because, he will miss his mother forever and ever. When it is observation day he will be thinking. I wish my mother was here. When it's undokai, and he's just won the big race and he looks out in the crowd of faces, he'll be thinking, I wish my mother was here. When it's his birthday and he thinks about those special cakes or presents that only a mother would let him have or get away with having. And he no longer has her, he'll be thinking I wish my mother was here. When he wakens from a nightmare and she is no longer there and she can no longer comfort him and stroke his hair and say it's okay, mommy's here. Yes he will think...I wish my mother was here. When he has those 2-3 obento meals that need to be made at the elementary school and he's making it all by himself and hoping like heck that he's done a good job, bless his heart. And remembers his mom's obentos she used to make him, yes he will think I wish my mother was here. When he graduates the 6th grade in a few years, or attends his entrance ceremony for junior high, yes he will again think I wish my mother was here. When he's sick with the flu and needs that TLC that only a mother would do. Or when it's raining and snowing and he's walking all the way home, when all the other mom's in this neighborhood are driving their kids back in the safety and warmth of their cars and he's shivering walking down the street and he's probably thinking to himself..I really really wish *my* mother was here. All those days, I think about. Perhaps I'm too overly sensitive but those are the times he'll long for her. And when he decides what career he will have and he'll want to share it. Or when he finds his future wife and falls deeply and madly in love..he won't have his mother there to share that with either. When his children are born and that twinkle in their eye or their smile reminds him of his mother, he'll be thinking of her. He'll be missing her forever. You know what I mean here. There won't be a single freaking day that passes that he won't absolutely ache. There won't be a day that he won't long and wish for her to be with him.

And from the other point. From the mothers perspective. Since I am a mother. It must have been hardest for her. To know she was leaving her boys (yes there were 2 sons). Knowing what she'd miss. Miss them growing up, her whole life's happiness is wrapped up in her boys, I'm sure. Mine is. Knowing and probably worrying herself sick knowing she couldn't be there no matter how badly she wanted to be. Her knowing she'd have to leave her babies before her time, before they were ready! Must have been absolute hell for her.

This to me, was just the saddest thing ever. My heart ached all week, last week.... just thinking about this family. Our whole family ached for that family last week.

I know in a months time maybe people will forget about this boy, but I won't. And if he needs an obento for any special day, I'd love to make him one. It would be my pleasure and my honor. But again, we aren't supposed to mention a thing. Branden's sensei told the class on the 1 day the boy was absent, he was at school Monday and Wednesday, he only missed the cremation day which was last Tuesday. She told the class do not bring up his mother dying, do not mention a thing. So no matter how badly you'd like to pay your respects or condolences, you can't. Which that just makes me even sadder. He lives in the same housing community as I do. So, I would 100% be able and willing to give him a ride home any day he needs one. Just anything. If this kid ever needs me for anything. I am here and I mean that.

I'm not going to allow comments for this one, and I know you will understand why. There's just nothing really to comment about. It happened to a lovely boy in our town last week. It gutted me, it gutted my family, it hit Branden really hard, it's his pal, his play and hang out friend and classmate. It gutted our whole town. I debated greatly about writing this. But I just have to. I needed to get it out. Anyway, I don't want to bum anyone out. It just was an absolutely horrible thing to happen. She was too young to die and they are too young to be without their mother. Tomorrow is observation for Branden. I know the boy will be looking at the back of the class at us parents back there. And probably thinking and missing her. I better just end this here. Before I write any more and this just gets sadder and sadder. Sorry. Just had to let it out though. Deep breath.